literature

Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow

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Sepulchral-Roses's avatar
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Literature Text

                                                                                      
Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow

*
Sunrise

Listen, child, can you hear? It’s the world, and it’s coming at us fast. It’s reaching out to grab us and hold us, but don’t be scared, it’s a familiar face. It’s the wind rushing in your ears when you take a car ride with the windows down and the thrill of jumping over a wave as it crashes on the beach. It’s the weird feeling you get when you miss a stair or catch a stare. It’s a weekend movie or a long chapter story, a pair of red galoshes waiting invitingly at the front door. It’s the smell of rain and the touch of sun, the star soaked sky and the dew soaked grass. It’s the birds that wake you in the morning, and the crickets that sing you to sleep.

*
Noon

No, kid, can’t you see? It’s the world, and it’s coming at us fast. It’s reaching out to grab us from behind, to look at us with sorrowful eyes and frowning smiles. It’s the stench you smell when you cross the landfill down the road and the face you make when you step on gum littering the street. It’s the feeling you get when you look down the beach, and find broken bottles and plastic cans where there once was sand. It’s a long day at school, and Friday never comes; taking out the garbage in a cold, rainy August. It’s the sight of smog and the rainbow puddles that leak from the car exhaust, the oil-soaked rags and the money-soaked gas. It’s the silence that greets you every morning and the mourning that hushes you every night.

*
Sunset

But, dear friend, won’t you remember? It’s the world, and it’s coming at us fast. It’s reaching out to grab us and hug us, to thank us for what we did, when we cleaned the beach and the birds no longer hid. It’s the pleasant breeze when you take a long walk, the slow happiness of swimming in the ocean. It’s the weird feeling you get when you hear stories of old, when the cars used to honk and the people used to shout; when you walked a few feet, to stop only to make a face and rub gum from your shoes. Now the water’s blue again, and the grass green again, and rainbows only litter the sky. The birds wake you in the morning, and the crickets sing you to sleep at night.

*

Because that is what beauty is, you see? It's the truth - that we could see what had happened, and stepped up to fix it. We took the past and made it the future. And that is a beautiful thing.
A view of yesterday, today, and tomorrow. Small child, adolescent, reminiscing adult.

Because we need to listen up and hear the call, the world's coming at us fast, and it won't stop to say sorry when there's nothing left.

Comment please! I appreciate it, and answer any and all. =D

EDIT 11.20.10: oh lordy, this was back when i used caps...:faint: how things have changed. anyway, i had entered this into the parent teacher's association [pta] reflections contest at school, under the theme "beauty is...". just this morning, i found out that i won 1st place in the local level and this piece is moving on to regionals! :dance: wish me luck!!

i've joined the #dALinkSystem, and here's a lovely one:
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TheAnimeButterfly's avatar
:star::star::star::star: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Originality
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Impact

Alright, I'd like to start out by saying that this piece is actually very good as an overall. I love the general idea and how lovely it sounds, even when read aloud. I do, however, have a few things to say, mostly grammatical. I apologize for my being a grammar natzi like this to you.

In the first paragraph, this sentence, "It's the wind rushing in your ears when you take a car ride with the windows down, and the thrill of jumping over a wave as it crashes on the beach." has an unnecessary comma. In between the two statements, no comma is necessary, as both are not complete sentences.

I love the way you used the words stare and stair in the same sentence. It gives the piece itself a very nice and interesting flow.

The first paragraph's last sentence doesn't need the comma in the center either, as it not two complete sentences being bound together.

As you continue to make this small error throughout, I won't correct every instance, but try to remember that for there to be a comma in front of a conjunction, (and, but, or, etc...) you have to be connecting two complete sentences, (a complete subject, action, and thought). Just remember that and it will improve the grammar significantly.

As for the rest of this piece, I have only kind things to say. I love how you continue to use words alternate meanings and spellings to give the piece a neat flow. Also, the times of day being used as transfers from thing to thing helps to add to the pretty flow of it all. My favorite part of this piece, however, would have to be the very end. The conclusion to it all just brings it together so well with only a few sentences. I have to commend you for that.

Overall, a good piece; could just use a little bit of work in a few select areas.